Saturday, November 15, 2008

solitude hurts? are you a loner?

The world today is running away from what is known as loneliness. They are scared of being alone. They complain that no one's listening. They put the good old words "Man came to this world alone, they go back alone" in banner. They contradict themselves many a times. Somehow I got a feel that many are confused about how they feel. 


So my questions are:
 
1.] Are you scared of Solitude?
2.] Have you felt or feel loneliness?


Keep the answer in mind before reading further. You don't have to publish those answers, its just for clarity of thought before the lecture :-) So now that you have asked yourself these questions and have got the answer, lets see what I have to say. Before I start let me confess : many words stated below [or the idea] are taken from publications, reference journals, and philosophical or medical websites. 

If you thought whats the difference between Solitude and Loneliness, these words are for you. The two terms are often used interchangeably. Externally, solitude and loneliness look a lot alike. Both are characterized by solitariness. But all resemblance ends at the surface. Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is something you choose. Loneliness is imposed on you by others. Solitude restores body and mind. Loneliness depletes them.




Lets look at both the terms from a wider angle.

Solitude is a state of seclusion or isolation, i.e. lack of contact with people or love. People may seek physical seclusion to remove distractions and make it easier to concentrate, reflect, or meditate.Emotional isolation is a term used to describe a state of isolation where the individual is emotionally isolated, but may have a well functioning social network.


Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and Solitude. In their growth as individuals, humans start a separation process at birth, which continues with growing independence towards adulthood. To experience loneliness, however, can be to feel overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling of separateness at a profound level. This could give birth to feelings of abandonment, rejection, depression, insecurity, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness, meaninglessness, and resentment. If these feelings are prolonged they may  prevent the affected individual from developing healthy relationships and lifestyles. Loneliness in many a times a temporary consequence of divorce or the breakup or loss of any important long-term relationship. 

Loneliness can be summarized as falling into these categories:
Situational / circumstantial - loss of a relationship, move to a new city
Developmental - a need for intimacy balanced by a need for individualism
Internal - often including feelings of low self-esteem and vulnerability

Loneliness can evoke feelings of that 'everyone else' has friends, or that one is socially inadequate and socially unskilled. A lonely person may become convinced there is something wrong with him, or that no one understands his situation. Such a person may feel reluctant to attempt to change or to try new things. In extreme cases, a person may feel a sense of emptiness, which may become a state of clinical depression.

Now that you know the difference between Solitude and Loneliness, the cause of the emotion and the effect, ask those two questions again. I just wish your answer for the first and the second is NO. If its Yes, just realize the fact that your smile and your tears are a reflection of your strength and your fears! Know yourself and you would be happy.


Keshi, if you read this, know that I miss you. This blogger world miss you. Dont take too much time. Come back soon.

72 comments:

Priya Joyce said...

yeah I am scared of it...but sometymes want it too..lol


btw keshi cum bakkkk soon we miss ya re

Diana said...

Am not scared of Solitude coz I feel I need it most of the times.

Loneliness--felt this many a times in life.

dilmainhainpyar said...

Solitude is what i need at times..but loneliness is what i felt most of the times

Senorita said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Senorita said...

@ sawan...Solitude rocks...I am a loner and enjoy my own company a lot...but that does not mean that I abhor the company of my fellow human beings...I am happy and content when left on my own and equally at ease when in the company of my small circle of friends..

Scattered Thoughts... said...

sen - I second you here.. I also like being alone at times.. okay okay.. most of the times but this is not abnormal I would say.. I don't like people full of themselves, with double standards and of course fake attitude and most of the times you find people like that around you.. so can't help it.. and that is why I like this blogsphere all the more.. at least we express ourselves as we are.. and we don't pretend to be some one which we are not... sawan the philosopher.. what do you say ?

sawan - now that is why I named you gyanguru man.. why should bio and medical science feel neglected.. After physics and chemistry it was expected ;)

Karthik said...

Nice post mate!! Were u hearing Mr.Lonely of AKon??? I like 2 b lonely but aftr few hours, cudnt resist and i gt into with my friends!!!

Ria said...

Solitude is good in healthy doses!! too much of it can lead to loneliness....which can make one feel detached from the world. :)

preeti said...

lovely read :) I hate both, solitude and loneliness. Keshi HUGS :) sawan HUGS for such a wonderful dedication. I am here after two weeks and made a nice read here.

Scattered Thoughts... said...

huh.. where is the writer himself.. the lost world.. :))

sawan said...

@priya: true. no one could always be in company :-) Keshi, r u listening?

sawan said...

@diana: true. we all need solitude. Dont ever feel lonely again, u have the entire world with you!

sawan said...

@dilmainhainpyar: that happens when you force yourself into conclusions. believe that you are not alone and u would not be. understand that every individual has their rights and ways to act, acknowledge and respect it. minimize expectations and your life would rock :-)

sawan said...

@Sen: Lot of people are yet to grow to your level :-) However, dont limit your smile to a small group of people, there are a wider group who got equal rights to have the honor of your company!

sawan said...

@scattered thoughts: the world got equal number of good matured souls. many a times they go unnoticed cos thay doesnt always make a noise. Even if they get noticed, they would be left without acknowledgment. This world respects fake smiles, fast life, selfishness, prosperity and masks. There is only one mantra - success! The new era [you and me included] seems to change the definition of success altogether :-)People like to dance in discs to loud noises forgetting the surroundings, loosing their senses! Many a times Ive wondered why night life is a hit in metros where time is a luxury, where everyone is busy making money, where everyone contempts friendship and yet they dance with a crowd unknown! Maybe people just want a stage to let go their frustration. You scream and the noise around you absorb your tensions! You dance, you let go your frustration. You have a partner, you feel loved for the moment [ world of instant love ]. Atleast I take a break at times and visit a disc, just to let myself vanish in the crowd! to dissintegrate! :-)

man, stop scaring my prospective bride [if she, whoever she is, happen to read this blog] by projecting me as a philosopher. :-)

sawan said...

@Karthik: Akon, man, i love that song :-) However i was re-reading Keshi's last post [link included in my post] and the thought of what could have triggered her to write such a post and the thought of how she would be now made me write such a post. maybe i am just imagining things, but thats what we all do :-)

sawan said...

@ria: agreed. queen ria , m sure you handle situations pretty well. maybe you could give a piece of advise for all who have felt that detachment in their life!

sawan said...

@preetz: darling, howz bangalore? m so happy to see that smiley back :-) all set at work? Keshi, read this - youve got so many people who care for you :-)

sawan said...

@scatterred thoughts: I was out on break. the much nedeed break. On Saturday, I had a team dinner at Zafron Exotica [people in hyd may know], then i joined a couple of friends at AVANA Lounge. At sharp 12 police made their entry - pubs should close by 12! then i went to a friends place. din sleep the whole night. came home today morning at 9. After a long break of couple of months, i entered my kitchen again! I fried fish - yes, i cook :-) had lunch with friends. went for a movie. Yeah, I saw the bond movie and my friends had a good sleep. I was still expecting that something good would happen, poor me! the movie was such a waste! and then I am here, back on my blogville :-)

lukkydivz said...

i missed so many posts :O i thought u never updated *forgive me for that*

will read after i come back from java classes :P

Scattered Thoughts... said...

wow.. sounds like you had a helluva time on the weekend. As for the movie, you can’t complain coz I warned you earlier but guess you didn’t read my comment hence you deserved it as a punishment for that mistake :) and yeah, I know of Zafron Exotica and food is just ummmm there :)

okay, now some serious talks.. I never said that there ain't any good people in this world. Its just that they are either not around us or we are unable to recognize them.. (this is more appropriate) The reason is very plain, simple and known to every one.. Like you said, we live in a society where every one respects the rising sun.. the one who is loaded with bucks, the one who we can use at some time and then forget by stepping over him/her to climb another step of success in our life. So basically we are surrounded by the people who are very much like us..yes its a bitter truth that WE are the part of this culture coz every society is made up of nothing but people like you, people like me and so on.. Remember how many times we lie or play games or just ignore our beloved, a good friend or a person who is good by heart, just to fulfill our selfish dreams.. our never ending desires for money, carrier and success.. but when these things fire back to us, we scream about selfishness, being inconsiderate and hogwash like that. So end of day, if we look around there are very few people to whom we can consider as our true friends.. most of them will be pretending to be your best pal all the time but will miss no chance to backstab... So those are the times when I find my company as most interesting and safe…

sawan said...

@luckydivz: no free service. forgiveness costs one diarymilk :-)

sawan said...

@scatered thoughts: punishment indeed :-( i acknowledge all your words. i just wish my friends doesnt turn out to be bad.. and even if they wanted to backstab me, i wish i never come to know. when trust breaks the pain it gives is too much to handle :-(

Scrawler said...

@scattered thoughts....i second your thoughts!

sawan said...

@scrawler: very well. now that weve realized it all, why not make a difference? :-)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

sawan - we can't.. simply coz we are not saints.. we are very simple and ordinary human beings, overburdened with our own responsibilities, dreams and desires.. most of the times we don't have the courage to give.. especially if that costs a sacrifice for ourselves. Even if we try to be good and truthful, life plays games and brings us to a cross road where the first one is the path where we need to sacrifice our personal interests for some one else and as obviously the other one is the path rewarding for us but it will need us to step on some one else's interests.. and all of us know which road do we pick most of the times.. remember I said most of the times :)

so let us live with it unless we plan to settle on Himalayas

uhh.. too much gyan these days.. your company is affecting me too much man !

CrazyHeart said...

experience a powerful surge of emptiness and Solitude.
ya true..!

Scrawler said...

@scattered thoughts...seems you are on a philosophical track..sooner sawan is gonna to gift u with 'Great Philosopher' award!

sawan said...

@scattered thoughts: a trip to himalayas sure sound interesting ;-)

sawan said...

@crazyheart: welcome here ;-)

sawan said...

@scrawler: he is surely on queue... but he gota wait too long.. award function happens once every year ;-) or may once in six months?

Scattered Thoughts... said...

scrawler - I agree yaar.. sawan's company is affecting too much.. sawan, please write some thing different this time.. enough of philosophy.. no more theories for now.. :)

sawan - oh yeah, you know that is one of my dreams.. driving to Leh (the highest man made road) in my SX4.. already planning it in the summer.. interested ? :))

Appy said...

Mr Sawan
Wake up from ur sleep :D.See what u do to urself when i m not around to eat ur head
Couldn't catch u in office
U on leave or something

Scrawler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scrawler said...

@scattered thoughts...please drop the idea of taking sawan with you to Himalayas..Your Himalayan Journey will end up with a 'philosophical journey"

Scattered Thoughts... said...

sawan man, we need to do some thing to improve your repo dude.. change the track otherwise even the bharatmatrimony won't help ;)

what say scrawler :D

lukkydivz said...

here i come with a diary milk ;)

post was veryyyyyyy affirmative :) though it coudnt change the state of my mind - lonely :D

sawan said...

@scattered thoughts: i am in for the trip ;-) dont listen to scrawler.. i am not always philosophical ;-)

sawan said...

vandy darlin, ive been missing u :-( in night shift.. hwz u?

sawan said...

@scrawler: trying to push me out of the SX4? ;-(

sawan said...

@scattered thoughts, i dnt intentionally write it dude.. i am influenced by hell lotsa other blogs :-( seems like lot of people out here are missing the light!

sawan said...

@luckydivz: yipee.... got a diary milk :-) dont feel lonliness swthrt, mein hoon na ;-)

Scrawler said...

@scattered thoughts...BREAKING NEWS!!!!!Bharath Matrimony refuses accept the registration of Philosophers!

Aparna said...

@I see a great of discussion happened here...well..a good write up..to the point and very clear...I guess in real life its not easy to experience only one of those 1)solitude 2)loneliness...solitude is sought fater sometimes and loneliness is imposed as you said and one individual can go through both states at different points of times or at same time...:) is it already confusing?!!!

Vin said...

Sawan Saar!!!
yenna Saar, what happened??
what is this philosophical blogging marathon??? i'd rather not get into deep thinking now..

u know whats the punishment for mutiple murders???
its Solitary Confinement.

Loneliness is temporary, much like when Akon wakes up one morning to not find his love beside....soon there'll be a replacement!!!

hope that clears the chaos:)

sawan said...

@scrawler: now u r scaring the sh** out of him ;-)

sawan said...

@Aparna: Welcome here.. engineering student from hyd! do u by any chance share your seat with luckydivz?
confsing it is, but so is life ;-)

sawan said...

@vins: swthrt, u r back!!!! u were not here naah, so nothing funny happened and hence this philosophical marathon.. ;-) solitary confinement? i guess many are already going through it without the "murders" ;-)i only wish that for everyone lonliness is temporary!

WarmSunshine said...

Hey sawan... a really nice place here :)

blogrolling you... will come back very soon for a thorough read... :)

happy blogging!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

sawan - scrawler's comment was meant for you dear ;) so you are the one who should be scared :D

vin - welcome back.. where were you.. the lost world..

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

i soo hate to be alone.. i just doont like to do anything myself...
by the way, this is the first time im coming here and i really like ur blog and ur writing.. :)

Vin said...

Sawan saar...i'm the dead serious types, not at all funny!! whatever gave u the feeling that i could be funny??? anyways, a philosophical post is very necessary at times, especially during solitude and/or loneliness..that too from Dr. Sawan:):)

everything has a reason and it will pass...its the story of life..solitude is necessary as much as loneliness in equal amounts of company, talks, discussions:) as well as blogs, posts, comments!!

@scattered thoughts - Thank u saar!! u will know..just check my blog:):)

Freya said...

i sometimes like being alone, but i don't like to be lonely. I like to work alone and have fun with a lot of people. But I have to be alone even when I don't want to, most of the times and so, loneliness is like an unwanted friend. i put up with it.

CrazyHeart said...

jsut checked ur profile gemini..reminds me..of a person who was very much in my life a year ago..!
thanks for visiting my blog..:)
ur blog..is good:)

sawan said...

@Meher: Welcome here.. Happy that u liked it.. keep visiting.. and thnx for blog rolling me ;-)

sawan said...

@scattered thoughts: u missed the addressee.. it was addressed to you pal.. and hey, if u happen to be a mallu by any chance, today morning there is a "virtual swayamvaram" happening in bharat matrimony.. wutever that means.. happy bridal hunt ;-)

sawan said...

@harini: welcome here.. [crackers].. happy that u liked it.. do visit at times ;-)

sawan said...

@vins: guess what, serious faces always give me a smile ;-) i am scared of people who always smile cos you never know wuts running in their mind! ;-)

sawan said...

@Freya: guess what solitude is the biggest gift to a creative person. i am sure that you are a very creative person, use the solitude for the good.. and never feel that you are lonely, i am just a shout away ;-)

sawan said...

@crazyheart: welcome here.. i just wish the person mentioned is not the reason for your tears.. did u happen to notice that your profile pic could explain a lot! the tears and sadness are highlighted cos its a negative print of a color picture! come out of the negative phase, life is full of colors..

WarmSunshine said...

An informative piece. I've been suffering from this thing too i guess.. but reading this post... i deduce i have traces of both. So it ain't that bad right? Cz solitude as u said is positive and one needs soul searching once in a while.

Worth a read.
Keep up the good work :)

sawan said...

@ Meher: Thnx for the appreciation :-) look, its so easy to bring a smile on my face ;-)

Of course it ain't bad. Being creative, you ought to experience solitude at times..And trust me, loneliness is the best boosters of creative writing if taken in the right doses and the right time..make sure you don't get addicted and rest would be fine!

Scrawler said...

@Hero...Breaking news was a reply to scattered thought's comments on Bharath matrimony!

But it was about you only hero!

swati said...

im a loner it dosen't mean tat i dnt gel well with othrz..its jus tat im not that extrovert n outgoing..i share a good raaport with each of my fren..but at tge same time i love being solitude..coz tats the only way to explore urself..n yes lonliness do attacks smtimes but u cant help it...anyways a beautiful post dear..keep it up :)

The Seeker said...

Yeah!! first timer here!! NICE POST!! thought provoking...

loneliness wen pushed on us to such extent that it makes us feel unwanted. Loneliness by choice is a bliss, but when we tend to ignore our fellow beings and use this to instill fear, insult others, spread hatredness, bring in hurt and depression, Its a death to humanity and haven't we all learned well to mock @ lives.

sawan said...

@scrawler: i am not a philosopher :-( ill soon add a link to shaadi.com on this page.. tribute too all who are single and ready to mingle ;-)

sawan said...

@swati: glad that u liked it dear. from wut u wrote, i understand that u cherish solitude, u definitely not a loner!

sawan said...

@the seeker: welcome here! happy that u liked the post. there is nothing called loneliness by choice! its called solitude ;-)

Keshi said...

Sawan I know u and few others here really CARE abt me. tnxx alot for this post!

Im away just to see the bigger picture of it all...when u stop doing something that u did non-stop b4, u sometimes get to see things clearer. Thats why Im on a break...and no Im not LONELY...just ALONE :) And yes it helps sometimes.

TC n dun worry...I will be bak. ok? :) see ya soon!

Keshi.

sawan said...

keshi, good to hear that :-)

Lena said...

i guess every now and then everyone is lonely.. but like someone said.. when so many people are lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone... :)

As for solitude.. thats always a choice, a mture one, again sometimes we all need it.. just to stay with yourself and find the answers to your own questions.. thats what i want right now, thats what i cant get... because i am never alone. Some people would say i am crazy to complain.. but then sometimes i really just wish to stay alone... at least for a moment.

sawan said...

if you think you really need solitude, i suggest you go for a vacation!