Sunday, July 12, 2009

Kajal, I miss you

The Pink Orchid - I met her during her early days in blogs ville. Her words were deep and every time I read her I was touched. It did not take long for us to become friends. Time took us for a ride and we ended up being best friends. It's so long now that I talked to her. Her blog remains hidden/deleted. Her mailbox seems to be removed. No other contact information shared! What do I do when I miss her?

Work life seems too monotonous to enjoy. Personal life looks faded with the shadows of thoughts about career and what lies ahead. I miss my family, my love, my friends - though everyone is near, reachable! I feel lonely today or maybe that's how i want it to be.

My heart tells me that it wouldn't share its emotions with me. My pulse tells me that it would rather fake the beats even if it feels weak. My breathe would not let me know about it even if it faces any difficulty on its way. They all want me to be happy. They would fake it all, take all the pain and smile just to see me happy. Would that help? I feel lost!

What would you do when all that you say makes the distance between you and your loved ones grow? How helpless does you feel when it comes to relationships? How do you make sure that the smile you see on your loved one's face is genuine?

The world around is so unpredictable. People walk off from your life and you could just see them leave. Others stay near you and act distant. At times it all seems insane. People struggle to break free when they are tied and then long to get tied when they are free. Today, there is nothing that make me feel content. Everything I do, every word I say makes me feel frustrated. Maybe its a phase and if it is, its definitely not a lovely experience!

Kajal, I wrote this post for you. But I could not stop myself from writing about all these. So don't get carried away with what I have written. I miss you friend, and way too much. Where ever you are, have that smile on your face. May God shower all the happiness and care on you. Peace.

To the rest of the world: I am not sad. I am confused about a lot of things. I wanted to write another post. A post which tells about my love. I wanted to introduce her to you. But that would wait for now. Words look distant! I might take time but I would read all your blogs. You guys take care. I am fine and I would be back soon.

Politics: Kerala Chief Minister Comrade V S Achuthananthan dropped from Politburo after four hours lengthy Central Committee meeting. The infighting within CPI[M] has definitely made people insane or else Mr.Karat would not have taken such a decision against the most senior leader of the party. For people who don't know about VS, among the people who created the party - CPI[M], VS is the only person from kerala who is alive today. There is only one message I have for VS : Money and Parliamentary dreams have made the party leaders insane. Walk out safe before they crush you with their stupid remarks. There are millions like me who support CPI[M] for its policies and its history. Walk out to us and we shall give you the respect you deserve. You are our hero. Inquilab Zindabad.

51 comments:

Meera said...

I understand.

Senorita said...

@ Sawan...even this will pass...

Netika Lumb said...

I don't know what to say..
Now I know you're definitely a true friend..
But anyway, I shall wish you get to speak to her soon.
God bless :)

Mads said...

I miss her too.
Take care and hope this phase passes by quickly..

Mads said...

i miss her too..
and this phase will pass by. take care..

The Rat... said...

ah... the feeling is mutual... one day she says she is engaged and the next day she goes missing.. i too tried to contact her thru mail but only in vain....

:( damn.... not even an explanation, just poof...

i hope she reads ur post, sawan.. missing her terribly..

Dhanya said...

Hmmm... she must have got really busy with her new life... last post was all happy happy na ?

If she cares too, she will definitely get back to you :)

Dhanya said...

Dunno if you got my last comment or not... bad connection days :(

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that Kajal will definitely get back to you if she feels the same way about you. Don't worry too much about it okay ? :)

And yeah, I am assuming she's just busy with her new found love of her life. That's what her last post was all about na ? About how busy and happy happy she is... So, just chill :)

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Sad to see a true communist shunted out!

Meera said...

I am sure she will get back in touch with you.After all,she is your best friend!
And we miss her too.I just hope she gets to read this post.

And I hope all your other worries are solved now :)
*Hugs*

Harshita said...

uhuh! well hope she reads this and responds...

WarmSunshine said...

I hope she returns soon :(

and hey, you left a comment on my blog, but when i published it, i couldnt see it on my blog anymore :/ yeh kya??? :(

Ria said...

i hope this phase passes by soon...and its sad tht ppl leave the blogville never to return. I hope she's back soon!!

Smiling Dewdrops said...

Sawan...
I was always here.. would you believe if I tell you I visit your page daily?.. yes I do... and i knw why.. it was never that i got a friend like you.. never.. who is so practical. who has never let me fall or get confused or surrender.. the one who is writing here to you is a new kajal..brand new.. and you have played a MAJOR role in this transformation.. you made me believe life doesnt end at those illusionary dead ends..there is more to life..the heart never forgets to love or runs out of it.. you brought my lost faith back to me.. and i'd never be able to give you what you have given to me..- a new life!!
today life has changed..today life has a purpose.. for once i can see the road ahead..a road where i am not alone..a destiny which is calling me with open arms.. you opened my heart to positivities sawan and today i am loved .. i am cared..and i know this will last till my last breath and not even God can change it.. *touchwood*
I left the blogsville Sawan.. long back...long long back.. i didnt wanna leave..but one day i just left quietly.. coz i couldnt bring myself to talk about my blogging..and what i have now is soooooooo beautiful that nothing counts in front of it..no passion..nothing else.. so i left..and didnt want to announce it, didnt wanna make a noise about it..and somehow couldnt being myself to explain why i had to leave.. i knew you'd miss me.. and trust me i miss the friend in you a hell lot.. and the comments above have touched me..i didnt know i'd be missed like this.. and i am totally speechless..may be i didnt realize that i have made a space for myself in few hearts.. though i am not missing the blog world now..but you know what's my biggest fear? may be i will start missing this blog world soon and that'll be very very difficult..but may be i wont repent leaving..or may be i will.. but i am happy my stay is remembered..dont forget me guys..i might be back like this or in a new avatar..or may be i'd never blog again..
also i have always written about sad times..i feel sadness has a lot of shades..but i am not used to being happy and something tells me happiness has only one shade- the shade of a smile ..if i had a blog today, my daily post would be just one sentence - 'Today is the best day of my life' - trust me..everyday feels like that..

i can keep writing sawan..trust me writing here feels like talking to you one on one..and also it is giving me a smile which i used to get everytime i used to write a blog post..
sawan, I will cherish you forever..!!
i dont have an email account..reply as a comment..though i know that you are feeling really relieved reading this..i'd be back to read your comment reply..i'll always be around..and no matter what avatar i am back in, i know you'd recognise me..
i'll never forget you..and i know you can never forget me too..

god bless you sawan.. always stay happy..and i am happy for you two..and all my best wishes are always with you.. you know you are in my prayers - ALWAYS!..
and the rest that you have mentioned -to that i'd just say - The Sawan who I know, never gives up and never lets gloom overpower him for long..i have always got positive vibes from you..your soul is so pure that it glows from the inside..
take care.and smile no matter what.. (no phase is too long..and no confusion is permanent) i'd pray for the clear skies ..

wishing all good things for you,
(guess who).. lol.. me..who else..your very own..Kajal..

Qi said...

I miss her too :(

Hope the rest is okay. :)

Fr Jerry said...

I have no idea about the first part of the post. Just hope that all goes well. I completely agree with the second part of the post about V.S. in Kerala. It's sad that the CPM never reads the writing on the wall. Is it so difficult?

Shaunak said...

I miss her too. Sent out quite a few emails, then found out her mail ID has been deleted.
Glad to see you're still around, even partly so Kajal.
And Sawan, I'm sure you're more than elated to know that too.
Never let temporary set backs truly set you back guys.
Tc.
Cheers.

Arv said...

She is surely missed :(

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

I miss her words too...in a short span of time,I had got so addicted to her words...and the feeling now is kinda bad..
i know what u r going through...for I too have experienced similar emotions some time back..
but all i can hope is to see u guys get back together:)
waiting to get introduced to ur love

Take Care

pinkZz said...

i miss u too.

Ki said...

Kaj, sis, if you read this... I hope you see how deeply you are missed! Your comments were the one we all chesrished the most, your blog was the first one I visited. Don't ever forget how many hearts you have touched as a blogger. I love you and I miss you very much.

Please don't forget all of us this easily.

Love,

Ki

lostmermaid said...

she was a sweet angel that touched many a heart !

Deepika Gupta said...

She responded or still missing??
She'll dnt worry :)

swati said...

Take care dear!!

sawan said...

Meera, i know u cud sweets. but u shudn have deleted ur blog :(

sawan said...

Seno, thnx swts

sawan said...

Netika, I did swets, and it feels good!

sawan said...

Madhuri, i am happy to gind her back :)

sawan said...

Madhuri, thnx swts.

sawan said...

TR, she came back swts and i am so happy she did!!

sawan said...

Dhanoos, yes yes she came back and i am smiling :)

sawan said...

Dhanoos, yes i got yes i got :)

sawan said...

Rakesh, good to see atleast one commented on it!

sawan said...

Meera, all worries solved swts :)

sawan said...

Harshita, i hoped so and she did!!! :)

sawan said...

Meher, waaaa!!! it got disappeared!! :P

sawan said...

Ria, she is back she is back, thnx swts :)

sawan said...

Kajal, wow, u r here!!! felt like heaven wen i saw ur words!! have you ever felt short of words when you are overwhelmed with emotions? i dont know which emotions kajal, its a mixture of happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, and a lot more unknown emotions. all i want is to talk to u now.. guess u r too busy for your frenz :) enjoi ur time sweets and be assured that i WUD BE TER wen ever u need me. u just have to call me and i wud be ter for my bestest frnd!

sawan said...

Ki, the rest is okie sweets :)

sawan said...

Fr, good to see u here Fr. gues its so very difficult. Karat is proving to be a head ache. just wish he leves ative politics soon enuf or CPIM would be left as a memory!

sawan said...

Shaunak, thnx for ur words bro :)

sawan said...

Arv, i know i know and now she is back :P

sawan said...

Richa, feeling is mutual. she indeed is so addictive :) awwe, hope u know her by now :P

sawan said...

Pinkz, she is back swts :)

sawan said...

Kirti, awwe, swtu hope u r happy after her return :)

sawan said...

Lostmermaid, she was? she is :P

sawan said...

Deepika, she responded!! thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Swati, Thnx swts :)

M said...

Arre...when I have no regrets,why you? You know my deleting blog has very lil to do with us,don't you?

Angel said...

My God am inlove with your conversation with smiling dewdrops...that's what one blogger said being in love to the friendship..so divine!

sawan said...

Angel, :) frnship is divine. it really is.