Thursday, June 4, 2009

Shades of life



“Mom , I’ve told you not to put strawberry on my bread!” Grenda yelled as he threw the half bitten sandwich on the floor and walked away.

...................

“Ontario, Alonzo come here, its feast today” yelled Lontae. Her face was lit with happiness as she scanned the garbage can for more crumbles of bread. 


=> This is my first attempt on 55 word fiction. Your comments shall be an encouragement :)

102 comments:

Meera said...

Adipoli!
Hard to believe its ur first one :)
Do write more of it:)

Love ya.

sawan said...

Thnx swty :)
it is indeed my frst one!! sathyamayittum!!
with u by my side, i shall :)

luv ya too swty :)

sujata said...

great Sawan. The pic is so appropriate. Very good work!!

Freya said...

nice one! i believe that short fiction is harder.

Aditi..............:) said...

Wow...I dont have words for this one!!!
You have said so much in such a little post.....!!! Hats off to you buddy!!!

I ll wait for more!

pinkZz said...

nice.. few words say so much..!
keep on penning..!

keep smiling too..

Ki said...

OH MY GOD! Sucha liar! How can this be your first attempt?!!!

Ki said...

(good though :) )

Cяystal said...

Goooood.
Life is another name for contrasts

Pretty Me!! said...

i smtimes say a word which means i have nothing more to say abt it .. for first time i guess i want to say that in blogs :

"this post was such a killer man!!"


:D


ps: did u check my blog fr ur award my BB !

Pavitra .... said...

Brilliant work..!! I loved it..!!

ABHISHEK SiM said...

*pro*

really hard to believe its first attempt.

too good!

Ashwathy said...

talk about perspective... one man's meat being another man's poison! :-) superb debut into the world of 55-ers... keep it coming!

ARUNA said...

first one but best one n exotic!

Ria said...

u said so much in so few words!!thts brilliant. :)

A Poetess said...

its a very nice writing for a first attempt..just seemed a bit fable-ish to me..i dunno why reminded me of the "girl with the matchstick"...
but nice writing nevertheless
cheers
and write more of it :)

Shreya said...

excellent Sawan. Really liked it.:)

ANWESA said...

poignant,compassionate and powerful

Amrita~Ams said...

oo gr8..the pic is very very apt :)

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

wooow...thats one heck of a piece for a first attempt...
my say:-u should do this more often...
i like!

Vinnie said...

sahi hain biddu!

i liked the names...so exotic!

Netika Lumb said...

Hooo..this is so hard. Why could you not make it romantic .. I mean WHY?? It was great and the impact was deep, but sadly :(

Illeen said...

wow.That evoked something inside..and to do that in 55 words is awesome!

Catvibe said...

Yikes. Class struggles worldwide described in 55 words. Well done Sawan.

Chriz said...

was good men...

and hop in for the competition that beckons you in my page..

Arv said...

kewl one man :)

take care... cheers..

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

shades of life brilliantly contrasted. very well writtn anizie.

thrs some prob in my lappy so cudnt bloghopp thz days. sorry. commnting from colg lab :p

Renu M said...

fantabulous first.

яノςんム said...

awesome!!
this is life!!.. the contradictions of life..

Margaret said...

A very good first attempt at 55 WF Anil.

It's these acute contrasts that really get to me.

Perfect pic to go with it!

bondgal_rulz said...

Loved it. Every single word of it. :)

Great great great first attempt!! Come up with more of these soon. :)

Cheers

R. Ramesh said...

good blog, congrats..

swati said...

hey it was an awesome contrast..with a hidden reality..

Kudos!! hope to see mre..:)

take care :)

ash89 said...

hey that was really nice! keep it up!

rahul said...

one of the best peces of 55 word fiction I have read...sadly it depicts the state of our country!!

keep it up.

Escapist said...

Grt one ! wth nice wrds jumbled up.


jolllies

kim said...

Bravo.... bhaiya great work...

(GOURI TOLD ME UR BHAIYA :) CN I CALL U BHAIYA)

sawan said...

Sujata, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Freya, maybe it is, thts why i din attempt till now :)

sawan said...

Aditi, thnx dearie :)

sawan said...

Vedzie, thnx swty :)

sawan said...

Kirti, i am not a liar :( sachi mein [innocent face] first attempt hi hein!!

sawan said...

Kirti, thnx swthrt :)

sawan said...

Aayushi, sure it is! thnx grl :)

sawan said...

Pratzie, thts such an honor swtu. i checked it , but wut is BB?

sawan said...

Pavitra, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Abhishek, it is it is. thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Ash, thnx girl :)

sawan said...

Aruna, thnx swty :)

sawan said...

Ria, thnx dearie :)

sawan said...

Poetess, the story was some how inspired by John Grisham's "The Street Lawyer". thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Shreya, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Anwesa, thts so swt of u dear , thanx :)

sawan said...

Amrita, thnx swty :)

sawan said...

Richa, thnx dearie :)

sawan said...

Vinnie darlin, thnx swtu :)

sawan said...

Netika, it was tough to write something which doesnt have romance in it :) but have to or else my blog would slip into the depths of love, lust and romance :)

Harshita said...

Really Really meaningful...loved it

Pretty Me!! said...

BB = Best Buddy ;)

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Touching.

Kisses.

athi said...

now dats something! very cool :) thanx for d idea! cud use it in office sometime :)

Keshi said...

It's good Sawan :)

Keshi.

Cяystal said...

Happiest Birthday to you!
HUg!

Amal Bose said...

wonderful work buddy..
it gives an important message too..
keep writing :-)

usha said...

must say, real good for a 1st attempt at it.

I've never quite given it a try, though I'm very much impressed with the whole idea of this short fiction.

Riya said...

hey nice one.. to put it in little words.. its tough.. hmm.. n a happy belated bithday dear...

Riya said...

hey.. sorry was out of town.. so couldnt put comments on your posts.. u write well.. keep writting..

The Pink Orchid said...

wow! now that was an awesome way of portraying some very serious fundas of life and social divide.. kudos shonu!

SAHITYIKA said...

must say...
very touching n very true...
keep going dude..

sawan said...

Illeen, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Catherine, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Chriz, i am late, aint i? thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Arv, thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Preetzi, awwwwe, np sweets. come back wen ur sys jumbs with life :)

sawan said...

Renu, thnx grl :)

sawan said...

Richa, thnx grl :)

sawan said...

Margaret, thnx so much dear. I have all smiles when i read words of inspiration :)

sawan said...

Isha, thnx sweety :)

sawan said...

Ramesh, thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Swati, thnx sweety :)

sawan said...

Ash, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Rahul, thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Escapist, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Kim, thnx dear, ofcource you can :)

sawan said...

Harshita, thnx grl :)

sawan said...

Pretzie, awwwe, sweets :)

sawan said...

LSL, thnx grl :)

sawan said...

Athi, any time sweets, wuts hapnin??

sawan said...

Keshi, thnx sweetu

sawan said...

Aayushi, thnx sweets :)

sawan said...

Amal, thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Usha, giv it a try grl, its worth the time!! :)

sawan said...

Riya, thnx dearie :)

sawan said...

Riya, hehe, not a problem sweets!!

sawan said...

Kajal, thnxu sweetu.. luv ya!!

sawan said...

Sahityika, thnx dearie :)

Soorya said...

Nice one! reminded me of the youtube video which was doing the rounds some time ago abt wastage of food :)

sawan said...

thnx soorya :) hwz ya? loong time!!!

deepikageetam said...

Touching ! One of the best 55 fiction stories I've read.

Sweta said...

very nice story.....:)
and my comment is the 100th one :D

sawan said...

Deepika, thnx dear :)

sawan said...

Sweta, thnx dear :) it was nice to meet you in flesh and blood :P