Thursday, June 4, 2009

Shades of life



“Mom , I’ve told you not to put strawberry on my bread!” Grenda yelled as he threw the half bitten sandwich on the floor and walked away.

...................

“Ontario, Alonzo come here, its feast today” yelled Lontae. Her face was lit with happiness as she scanned the garbage can for more crumbles of bread. 


=> This is my first attempt on 55 word fiction. Your comments shall be an encouragement :)

102 comments:

Anonymous said...

Adipoli!
Hard to believe its ur first one :)
Do write more of it:)

Love ya.

Anil Sawan said...

Thnx swty :)
it is indeed my frst one!! sathyamayittum!!
with u by my side, i shall :)

luv ya too swty :)

sujata sengupta said...

great Sawan. The pic is so appropriate. Very good work!!

Freya said...

nice one! i believe that short fiction is harder.

Aditi..............:) said...

Wow...I dont have words for this one!!!
You have said so much in such a little post.....!!! Hats off to you buddy!!!

I ll wait for more!

Anonymous said...

nice.. few words say so much..!
keep on penning..!

keep smiling too..

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD! Sucha liar! How can this be your first attempt?!!!

Anonymous said...

(good though :) )

Cяystal said...

Goooood.
Life is another name for contrasts

Anonymous said...

i smtimes say a word which means i have nothing more to say abt it .. for first time i guess i want to say that in blogs :

"this post was such a killer man!!"


:D


ps: did u check my blog fr ur award my BB !

Pavitra said...

Brilliant work..!! I loved it..!!

Abhishek Behera said...

*pro*

really hard to believe its first attempt.

too good!

Ashwathy said...

talk about perspective... one man's meat being another man's poison! :-) superb debut into the world of 55-ers... keep it coming!

ARUNA said...

first one but best one n exotic!

Rià said...

u said so much in so few words!!thts brilliant. :)

A Poetess said...

its a very nice writing for a first attempt..just seemed a bit fable-ish to me..i dunno why reminded me of the "girl with the matchstick"...
but nice writing nevertheless
cheers
and write more of it :)

,,,,,,,,,,, said...

excellent Sawan. Really liked it.:)

Anwesa said...

poignant,compassionate and powerful

Amrita~Ams said...

oo gr8..the pic is very very apt :)

santasizing...Fantasizing said...

wooow...thats one heck of a piece for a first attempt...
my say:-u should do this more often...
i like!

vinny said...

sahi hain biddu!

i liked the names...so exotic!

Netika Lumb said...

Hooo..this is so hard. Why could you not make it romantic .. I mean WHY?? It was great and the impact was deep, but sadly :(

Illeen said...

wow.That evoked something inside..and to do that in 55 words is awesome!

Unknown said...

Yikes. Class struggles worldwide described in 55 words. Well done Sawan.

Chriz said...

was good men...

and hop in for the competition that beckons you in my page..

Arv said...

kewl one man :)

take care... cheers..

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

shades of life brilliantly contrasted. very well writtn anizie.

thrs some prob in my lappy so cudnt bloghopp thz days. sorry. commnting from colg lab :p

slate said...

fantabulous first.

Richa said...

awesome!!
this is life!!.. the contradictions of life..

Margaret said...

A very good first attempt at 55 WF Anil.

It's these acute contrasts that really get to me.

Perfect pic to go with it!

bondgal_rulz said...

Loved it. Every single word of it. :)

Great great great first attempt!! Come up with more of these soon. :)

Cheers

R. Ramesh said...

good blog, congrats..

swati said...

hey it was an awesome contrast..with a hidden reality..

Kudos!! hope to see mre..:)

take care :)

ash89 said...

hey that was really nice! keep it up!

Toon Indian said...

one of the best peces of 55 word fiction I have read...sadly it depicts the state of our country!!

keep it up.

Escapist said...

Grt one ! wth nice wrds jumbled up.


jolllies

kim said...

Bravo.... bhaiya great work...

(GOURI TOLD ME UR BHAIYA :) CN I CALL U BHAIYA)

Anil Sawan said...

Sujata, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Freya, maybe it is, thts why i din attempt till now :)

Anil Sawan said...

Aditi, thnx dearie :)

Anil Sawan said...

Vedzie, thnx swty :)

Anil Sawan said...

Kirti, i am not a liar :( sachi mein [innocent face] first attempt hi hein!!

Anil Sawan said...

Kirti, thnx swthrt :)

Anil Sawan said...

Aayushi, sure it is! thnx grl :)

Anil Sawan said...

Pratzie, thts such an honor swtu. i checked it , but wut is BB?

Anil Sawan said...

Pavitra, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Abhishek, it is it is. thnx bro :)

Anil Sawan said...

Ash, thnx girl :)

Anil Sawan said...

Aruna, thnx swty :)

Anil Sawan said...

Ria, thnx dearie :)

Anil Sawan said...

Poetess, the story was some how inspired by John Grisham's "The Street Lawyer". thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Shreya, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Anwesa, thts so swt of u dear , thanx :)

Anil Sawan said...

Amrita, thnx swty :)

Anil Sawan said...

Richa, thnx dearie :)

Anil Sawan said...

Vinnie darlin, thnx swtu :)

Anil Sawan said...

Netika, it was tough to write something which doesnt have romance in it :) but have to or else my blog would slip into the depths of love, lust and romance :)

Me said...

Really Really meaningful...loved it

Anonymous said...

BB = Best Buddy ;)

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Touching.

Kisses.

athi said...

now dats something! very cool :) thanx for d idea! cud use it in office sometime :)

Keshi said...

It's good Sawan :)

Keshi.

Cяystal said...

Happiest Birthday to you!
HUg!

Amal Bose said...

wonderful work buddy..
it gives an important message too..
keep writing :-)

Usha said...

must say, real good for a 1st attempt at it.

I've never quite given it a try, though I'm very much impressed with the whole idea of this short fiction.

Dr Riya said...

hey nice one.. to put it in little words.. its tough.. hmm.. n a happy belated bithday dear...

Dr Riya said...

hey.. sorry was out of town.. so couldnt put comments on your posts.. u write well.. keep writting..

Anonymous said...

wow! now that was an awesome way of portraying some very serious fundas of life and social divide.. kudos shonu!

SAHITYIKA said...

must say...
very touching n very true...
keep going dude..

Anil Sawan said...

Illeen, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Catherine, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Chriz, i am late, aint i? thnx bro :)

Anil Sawan said...

Arv, thnx bro :)

Anil Sawan said...

Preetzi, awwwwe, np sweets. come back wen ur sys jumbs with life :)

Anil Sawan said...

Renu, thnx grl :)

Anil Sawan said...

Richa, thnx grl :)

Anil Sawan said...

Margaret, thnx so much dear. I have all smiles when i read words of inspiration :)

Anil Sawan said...

Isha, thnx sweety :)

Anil Sawan said...

Ramesh, thnx bro :)

Anil Sawan said...

Swati, thnx sweety :)

Anil Sawan said...

Ash, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Rahul, thnx bro :)

Anil Sawan said...

Escapist, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Kim, thnx dear, ofcource you can :)

Anil Sawan said...

Harshita, thnx grl :)

Anil Sawan said...

Pretzie, awwwe, sweets :)

Anil Sawan said...

LSL, thnx grl :)

Anil Sawan said...

Athi, any time sweets, wuts hapnin??

Anil Sawan said...

Keshi, thnx sweetu

Anil Sawan said...

Aayushi, thnx sweets :)

Anil Sawan said...

Amal, thnx bro :)

Anil Sawan said...

Usha, giv it a try grl, its worth the time!! :)

Anil Sawan said...

Riya, thnx dearie :)

Anil Sawan said...

Riya, hehe, not a problem sweets!!

Anil Sawan said...

Kajal, thnxu sweetu.. luv ya!!

Anil Sawan said...

Sahityika, thnx dearie :)

Soorya said...

Nice one! reminded me of the youtube video which was doing the rounds some time ago abt wastage of food :)

Anil Sawan said...

thnx soorya :) hwz ya? loong time!!!

Anonymous said...

Touching ! One of the best 55 fiction stories I've read.

Sweta said...

very nice story.....:)
and my comment is the 100th one :D

Anil Sawan said...

Deepika, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Sweta, thnx dear :) it was nice to meet you in flesh and blood :P