“Mom , I’ve told you not to put strawberry on my bread!” Grenda yelled as he threw the half bitten sandwich on the floor and walked away.
...................
“Ontario, Alonzo come here, its feast today” yelled Lontae. Her face was lit with happiness as she scanned the garbage can for more crumbles of bread.
=> This is my first attempt on 55 word fiction. Your comments shall be an encouragement :)
102 comments:
Adipoli!
Hard to believe its ur first one :)
Do write more of it:)
Love ya.
Thnx swty :)
it is indeed my frst one!! sathyamayittum!!
with u by my side, i shall :)
luv ya too swty :)
great Sawan. The pic is so appropriate. Very good work!!
nice one! i believe that short fiction is harder.
Wow...I dont have words for this one!!!
You have said so much in such a little post.....!!! Hats off to you buddy!!!
I ll wait for more!
nice.. few words say so much..!
keep on penning..!
keep smiling too..
OH MY GOD! Sucha liar! How can this be your first attempt?!!!
(good though :) )
Goooood.
Life is another name for contrasts
i smtimes say a word which means i have nothing more to say abt it .. for first time i guess i want to say that in blogs :
"this post was such a killer man!!"
:D
ps: did u check my blog fr ur award my BB !
Brilliant work..!! I loved it..!!
*pro*
really hard to believe its first attempt.
too good!
talk about perspective... one man's meat being another man's poison! :-) superb debut into the world of 55-ers... keep it coming!
first one but best one n exotic!
u said so much in so few words!!thts brilliant. :)
its a very nice writing for a first attempt..just seemed a bit fable-ish to me..i dunno why reminded me of the "girl with the matchstick"...
but nice writing nevertheless
cheers
and write more of it :)
excellent Sawan. Really liked it.:)
poignant,compassionate and powerful
oo gr8..the pic is very very apt :)
wooow...thats one heck of a piece for a first attempt...
my say:-u should do this more often...
i like!
sahi hain biddu!
i liked the names...so exotic!
Hooo..this is so hard. Why could you not make it romantic .. I mean WHY?? It was great and the impact was deep, but sadly :(
wow.That evoked something inside..and to do that in 55 words is awesome!
Yikes. Class struggles worldwide described in 55 words. Well done Sawan.
was good men...
and hop in for the competition that beckons you in my page..
kewl one man :)
take care... cheers..
shades of life brilliantly contrasted. very well writtn anizie.
thrs some prob in my lappy so cudnt bloghopp thz days. sorry. commnting from colg lab :p
fantabulous first.
awesome!!
this is life!!.. the contradictions of life..
A very good first attempt at 55 WF Anil.
It's these acute contrasts that really get to me.
Perfect pic to go with it!
Loved it. Every single word of it. :)
Great great great first attempt!! Come up with more of these soon. :)
Cheers
good blog, congrats..
hey it was an awesome contrast..with a hidden reality..
Kudos!! hope to see mre..:)
take care :)
hey that was really nice! keep it up!
one of the best peces of 55 word fiction I have read...sadly it depicts the state of our country!!
keep it up.
Grt one ! wth nice wrds jumbled up.
jolllies
Bravo.... bhaiya great work...
(GOURI TOLD ME UR BHAIYA :) CN I CALL U BHAIYA)
Sujata, thnx dear :)
Freya, maybe it is, thts why i din attempt till now :)
Aditi, thnx dearie :)
Vedzie, thnx swty :)
Kirti, i am not a liar :( sachi mein [innocent face] first attempt hi hein!!
Kirti, thnx swthrt :)
Aayushi, sure it is! thnx grl :)
Pratzie, thts such an honor swtu. i checked it , but wut is BB?
Pavitra, thnx dear :)
Abhishek, it is it is. thnx bro :)
Ash, thnx girl :)
Aruna, thnx swty :)
Ria, thnx dearie :)
Poetess, the story was some how inspired by John Grisham's "The Street Lawyer". thnx dear :)
Shreya, thnx dear :)
Anwesa, thts so swt of u dear , thanx :)
Amrita, thnx swty :)
Richa, thnx dearie :)
Vinnie darlin, thnx swtu :)
Netika, it was tough to write something which doesnt have romance in it :) but have to or else my blog would slip into the depths of love, lust and romance :)
Really Really meaningful...loved it
BB = Best Buddy ;)
Touching.
Kisses.
now dats something! very cool :) thanx for d idea! cud use it in office sometime :)
It's good Sawan :)
Keshi.
Happiest Birthday to you!
HUg!
wonderful work buddy..
it gives an important message too..
keep writing :-)
must say, real good for a 1st attempt at it.
I've never quite given it a try, though I'm very much impressed with the whole idea of this short fiction.
hey nice one.. to put it in little words.. its tough.. hmm.. n a happy belated bithday dear...
hey.. sorry was out of town.. so couldnt put comments on your posts.. u write well.. keep writting..
wow! now that was an awesome way of portraying some very serious fundas of life and social divide.. kudos shonu!
must say...
very touching n very true...
keep going dude..
Illeen, thnx dear :)
Catherine, thnx dear :)
Chriz, i am late, aint i? thnx bro :)
Arv, thnx bro :)
Preetzi, awwwwe, np sweets. come back wen ur sys jumbs with life :)
Renu, thnx grl :)
Richa, thnx grl :)
Margaret, thnx so much dear. I have all smiles when i read words of inspiration :)
Isha, thnx sweety :)
Ramesh, thnx bro :)
Swati, thnx sweety :)
Ash, thnx dear :)
Rahul, thnx bro :)
Escapist, thnx dear :)
Kim, thnx dear, ofcource you can :)
Harshita, thnx grl :)
Pretzie, awwwe, sweets :)
LSL, thnx grl :)
Athi, any time sweets, wuts hapnin??
Keshi, thnx sweetu
Aayushi, thnx sweets :)
Amal, thnx bro :)
Usha, giv it a try grl, its worth the time!! :)
Riya, thnx dearie :)
Riya, hehe, not a problem sweets!!
Kajal, thnxu sweetu.. luv ya!!
Sahityika, thnx dearie :)
Nice one! reminded me of the youtube video which was doing the rounds some time ago abt wastage of food :)
thnx soorya :) hwz ya? loong time!!!
Touching ! One of the best 55 fiction stories I've read.
very nice story.....:)
and my comment is the 100th one :D
Deepika, thnx dear :)
Sweta, thnx dear :) it was nice to meet you in flesh and blood :P
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