Sunday, December 13, 2009

know how u deal with stress




If you could save a relationship by knowing each other better, accepting the differences, giving it some more time, then do it. This post share some ideas about the thought processe of men and women, which I agree upon. I might write more about relationships in future depending upon the response to this post. Most of the relationships break when the partners are under stress. Have you ever wondered how differently men and women approach stress?

Under stress, to maintain his control, a man needs to analyze objectively how his actions are responsible for what happened and realize what he can do to change things. To understand how he is responsible, he first needs to review the situation.He becomes very alert and attendive on what happened around him and thus he would determine what he did that led to the problem.His objectivity can then be put to determining what he can do to solve the problem. In this way he can begin to understand and accept responsibility for his part in creating what happened.

Unlike a man, a woman under stress needs to center herself through exploring her feelings. She can then figure out what happened, why it happened and what should be done about it. If a woman feels and understand her emotions, then her thinking would be open, flexible and clear.

Men face stress objectively, Women faces it subjectively. When a man reacts to stress from his feminine emotional side, he tends to loose his positive attitudes. His negative emotions may make him destructive, moody and self-centered. Negative emotions are not bad. They are part of healing or de-stressing. But when a man experiences his negative emotions and has lost his objectivity, his emotions become mean, threatening and unloving. This is his dark side.This is not to say that men should not be emotional. It is saying that when a man under stress gets into his feelings before he has established an objective perspective, then his emotions will tend to be unloving or destructive. He looses control because by indulging in his emotions he has disconnected himself from his primary source of power - his ability to be objective.

A woman, on the other hand, doesnt necessarily loose her positive feelings when she becomes angry. She can be angry and still have the ability to hear and understand another person's point of view. Being more subjective, women frist need to react emotionally and then they are able to view a situation more objectively. If she becomes too analytical or objective without considering her subjective feelings, she may become opinionated, confused, demanding, negative and frustrated. This is the dark side of a woman.

When a woman is emotionally upset but denies or suppresses her feelings in an attempt to be logical or rational, she is bound to experience many arguments with men. At such times, her statements will be rigid and opinionated. This is not only offensive to men, but also threatening. It tells him there is no room for his ideas to be true and that his differing point of view is not being appreciated. While she thinks she is making sense to him, he becomes angry and "dumps out" his negative emotions.

Because men derive their power from their objective analysis of a situation, they are naturally unaware of how delicate and vulnerable a woman's feelings are. It is equally true that women can hurt men with their rigid opinions. The big diference between men being hurt and women being hurt is that men are much less aware that they are being hurt.

Changing one's behaviour is the masculine way to reduce stress, ie, improving the situation by doing something differently. Feminine side reduces stress by changing attitudes - to improve the situation through forgiveness, love, gratitude and tolerence.What typically happens in a relationship is that a woman will tend to repeatedly compromise and adjust herself to preserve harmony and avoid confrontation. On a conscious level, she will try to change herself. After she has sacrificed or surrendered her position repeatedly, she will begin to feel resentful that he is not doing the same. Now, on a less conscious level, she will begin to try to change her partner. All communication at this point becomes somewhat manipulative and very distasteful to him. He will inevitably reject her or rebel.

Love is NOT the only ingredient for a healthy relationship. Know each other better. Avoid a break-up.Once broken, it would always reflect the scar.


Ideas shared here reflects the thoughts given by Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series.

31 comments:

Kaya said...

I liked the post. But you have not explained how,even though men and women are SO different in dealing with stress, they can live with each other happily.

Love is definitely not the only thing needed.

And its not always women who surrender their position regularly. Men too do. But if both are willingly doing it and even if only one of them is doing it always, its ok. Once you start feeling, "why always me?", you can be sure there's a problem in the relationship.

Break ups must be avoided. But if its for the good, then all's well. You cannot live with a man/woman your whole life just to avoid break up.

And the last underlined line of your post, I do NOT agree with. Some times you are relieved and even if at times there's a scar, it is bound to heal. Humans have that power in them.

Anyway, a good attempt into this discussion, I would say. Will wait for more. :)

enchantinganki said...

I agree with you on most of the points..but i also think that its men who think rationally and womens sometimes get too emotional to think....a fight b/w mind and heart will always b der..but females generally rely on their heart...

Anamika. said...

I think this post reminds me of my scars :) Once broken, always remains shattered. I lost mine. Wish I had someone to narrate these lines to me before.

sawan said...

Meera, i am analyzing the situation. i would be writing more about it as and when i understand it.

i never said that "its always women who surrender their position regularly". i said that its their natural instinct. and when things happen against natural instincts clashes occur.

"You cannot live with a man/woman your whole life just to avoid break up." i agree. thats why i started the post with "If you COULD save a relationship "

This post reflects what i believe and i strongly believe in that underlined statement. thnx for sharing ur views.

sawan said...

Anki, yes - men think rationaly [objective] and women think emotionally [subjective]. Ive discussed that clashes happen when this cycle changes, for what ever reason it does.

sawan said...

Anamika, NOW is never late. u have a life, live it happily :)

яノςんム said...

:)
I m not the right person to comment about relationships and love :)
still, I am here to say, I am by your side, not just yours, but both of you's :)
I know how does it feel..

Take care!

Ria said...

hmm...agree with what u hav said here. Oh yes i have read that book too!!

Anya said...

Really touching words
but so the truth :-)
(@^.^@)

Netika Lumb said...

Yes, to women it comes naturally.. Adjusting just to avoid confrontation.. And the results you wrote are only natural repercussions..
But then, even men adjust.. aisa nahi hai..
Lekin considering the jerks that they are they start taking women for granted .. Huh!!

PS: Let's not forget I'm a man hater(by and large ;))

Toon India said...

dude..you should become kind of counsellor or something..nice post!!

Scattered Thoughts... said...

look who is speaking?? experience bolta hai?

I am glad the philosopher is back :)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

BTW, new template looks neat.. easily the best among all your past templates

Rajlakshmi said...

that was an intering post on relationship... anger sometines act more powerful than love ... but it is with us how we handle it... understanding each other is indeed very vital in maintaining relations.
very enlightening post it was.

sawan said...

Richa, u r sweet :)

sawan said...

Ria,wish every one reads that book. The thoughts here reflects ideas of 3 books, all by John Grey.

sawan said...

Anya, thnx :)

sawan said...

Netika, Hating men wouldnt hlp you in any way. Understanding them might. try.

sawan said...

Brother, m happy u think i shud be a counsellor. Given that some one believes that I am not fit for a relationship, your words mean a lot :)

sawan said...

Maheep, brother, u proised me a chair, so i thought i would try luking old and wise :)

sawan said...

Thnx for the compliment on template. Now i realize the beauty of keeping things simple :P

sawan said...

Lakshmi, thnx dear :)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

//beauty of keeping things simple//

There you are.. anyways.. better late than never :)

ordinary. said...

once broken it would always reflect a scar...so so true.
dats d reason i could never get back to the person i loved the most once.it would complicate things.hes happy now.:)
lovely post.

Dr Supriya said...

Hmmm.. Ya true.. Men and women have truely different ways of reacting to stress.. Its a good book.. Have read it.. I agree wid da line dat women try to adjust n try learnin new ways to cope up wid da problem..

Anya said...

Have a very happy New Year
and a wonderful and happy 2010 :-)

(@^.^@)

sawan said...

Maheep, thnx bro :)

sawan said...

Adrija, it would have been beter if you wrote "we are happy now". our happiness and sadness are decided by us. dont fail urself, its not worth the pain.

sawan said...

Priya, gues everyone shud read it atleast once!

sawan said...

Anya, thnx for the wishes dear, same to you :)

Aparna said...

:)she constantly compromises..the last para kind of summed it up all..so true, but guess kind of late to find this post :)