Thursday, February 26, 2009

conceptualize it


I sat near the mirror, closed my eyes,
ready to plunge into the depth unknown.

darker than the night, my heart skips a beat
i rushed through the labyrinth, insanity around
shadows of the known greeted my shiver
my sweat does not taste salty any more.

I dragged myself through stones and thorns
blood in my eyes, through draconic lanes
I choked and swallowed, tasted my venum
my search for sanity made me insane.

I cried out loud burning in my own rage
the innocence was gone from my now enigmatic face
scared and cold I look back my way
only to find my body being burned away.

sweat gave me chills when I opened my eyes
I stared at my hand and the blade i held
scared and unsure I threw it away
I tried to smile, the blade lay feets away.


Suicide does not bring happiness. It brings sorrow to the ones who survive the deceased. We were happy and content when we came to this world. Let it be the way we leave this place. What happens in between happens at our will. Why dont we face it and earn our smile.

62 comments:

Netika Lumb said...

Very well worded.
I wish it was as easy done than said.

Anil Sawan said...

Netika, tht was fast!! thnx for ur words :)

vinny said...

Strong!

yenna Saar, u OK? who inspired u?

Unknown said...

Truer words never said than what you said at the end of the poem. I agree so much. Although I know that when someone is in the pit of despair, it does not seem possible to ever be happy again, even for an instant. I am grateful that I have never been in that pit. A very good description of it in your poem, however. Harrowing.

Anil Sawan said...

vinnie, some one very dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Catherine, its true that an emotional mind doesnt think right.. but that why we have friends.. wut say? :P

Amrita~Ams said...

omg....masterpiece...of ur work...
>:D<
I was in the same state...few days back..but now normal....
killing others....:P

gr8 dear...

SMRITI said...

Well written Anil.. Life is precious, even if one doesnt see its worth in difficult times, there are plenty others who see what we ourselves dont see. Hope should never be lost... I loved this one... :)

Anil Sawan said...

Amrita, thnx yaar :) m happy u r back to normal.. trust me, ur friends wud be more happy to take ur shots tht to see ya motion less.. u take care and never ever be sad :)

Anil Sawan said...

smriti, well said.. i always tell this to my friends.. its quite natural to feel dejected when u r low. but never make conclusions when u r emotionally disturbed. wait for the tide to calm and then think about it. glad u liked it :)

Trinaa said...

realllly nice!!

Margaret said...

You've given a distinguished portait of the anguish & despair of a person with suicidal thoughts.
Just how desperate must they feel when they see no other way out!!
The worst thing in the world must be to feel so alone...That's why friends are so important and friendships should be cherished.

Your poem really takes us into the dark dungeons of desperation.

Very well written....

WarmSunshine said...

"my search for sanity made me insane" .... this line has me thinking... there's something in this line i can relate to :)

Kartz said...

Whoa..! Nice.

Yep, to earn a smile... Well said.

I had written one as well, not too long ago - The Suicide...

Peace. Have a nice weekend.

Anonymous said...

woaaa Sawan.. suicide is a crime! no one has rights to hurt people who love you so much and leave them behind alone to struggle...if one is suicidal, all one needs to do is talk about it..instead of keeping it within and ending up doing a foolish act... human soul is capable of bearing any pain..so survive and smile is the mantra :)

me went all philosphical thanks to your poem..

p.s. i am in love with the fishes in your aquarium in the sidebar, spent a good 10 mins playing with them.. :D

Unknown said...

grreat poet

Freya said...

wow, you write such good poems. im unfortunate at that department.

at first, i thought you are writing about girls slashing their wrists after a break up or something. you know, some stupid females have that practice? in my old schools?
insanity personified, all of them.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

The ones who even think of suicide have no brains at all. Forget a thankful attitude.

Kisses.

Netika Lumb said...

Hey..thnks for the wishes.. I had a nice day..:)

PhilO♥ said...

Hey!
Wow! Lovely poem!
Even I've written a poem on suicide. You're very good in writing. Publish a book :D

Anil Sawan said...

Trina, glad u liked it :)

Anil Sawan said...

Margaret, thanks for letting me know that i did justice to my words :)

Anil Sawan said...

Meher, just know tht i luv u.

Anil Sawan said...

Kartz, bro, thnx :) ill check tht for sure. and weekend : i am working on saturday and sunday 12 hours each day.. how good is that?? :(

Anil Sawan said...

kajal, swthrt, u said it!!! :P the fishes wer happy :)

Anil Sawan said...

crazyheart, thnx dear..

Anil Sawan said...

Freya, m sure you are gona be a star in Indian Fashion Industry.. so chill :)

Anil Sawan said...

LSL, yeah. you're right

Anil Sawan said...

Netika, i stil din get the cake :(

Anil Sawan said...

juhi, wow i got a buyer?? :P ill definitely think of it :)

Anonymous said...

Its come out really well!!
Kudos :-)

Btw a tag waiting for u...!!

RiĆ  said...

really amazing words... :)

Pooja said...

gr8 lines....

n yes, i believe suicide s 4 cowards...

Anonymous said...

:)
lovely..
let us fight ..
lets face the reality ;)
great message

Akshat said...

:D

Hey that was verrrrry good!!

It won't be far when we hear the newspapers making a big deal of the upcoming board.....THE BIGGEST REASON FOR STUDENTS WHO COMMIT SUICIDE...But I still don't get it...It is so easy....and after all it's just an exam..So what's all the hype???

Great poem.....

Take Care

swati said...

SUICIDE is just a matter seconds a simple thought is enough to distract or provoke a person to commit this cowardly act..
it was an amazing write up sawan..
tc :)

Anil Sawan said...

Ankita, thnx dear.. i read the tag.. i wud do it really soon.. i promise.. dead busy now.. think of it. its sunday and i am at work :( ill do it ill do it :)

Anil Sawan said...

Ria, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

Pooja, thnx yaar.. yeah, they are!!

Anil Sawan said...

karmanna, bro, thts the spirit :)

Anil Sawan said...

Akshat, its really a big thing.. and sad tht it spreading like fire.. its high time that parents take care of their kids and stop giving them this extra tensions.

Anil Sawan said...

swati, u said it!! :) thnx dear..

Cess said...

wow it s pretty deep, i was not expecting the end of the post like that. It s a tough topic though.
Great poem!
C

Mad Max said...

not bad etta...not bad.....ummm

Anil Sawan said...

Cessie, thnx dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

vinu, thnx bro :)

Veni said...

Hi Sawan,

Good post...a message for all those cowards out there...

Anil Sawan said...

Veni, yeah.. thnx dear :)

A Poetess said...

very powerful words...i've been there, done that sorta deja vu for me though blades always SCARE me! Lols.
..even if everything else is ordinary in your blog, this one is a real GEM..
So keep the good ones rolling dude..
Cheers

Anil Sawan said...

Poetess, welcome here. thnx for ur words. If u like poems, you may visit the label tagged "poetry".

Dhanya said...

Well said!

athi said...

i finally understood it.. :P
deep.. :)

Richa said...

literally very well woven..

suicide is a crime and many say it is a way out for the cowards, but it requires a lot of courage to cut oneself.. they arent cowards, why dont, I wonder, they have the courage to fight back with the problems..

thnx for visiting btw, keep coming back :)

Anil Sawan said...

athi, finally!!! finally my words brew some meaning :P thnx for trying dear :)

Anil Sawan said...

dhanya, thnx :)

Anil Sawan said...

richa, welcome here. maybe they dont really have the courage to face the pain of death. people many a times get blinded by emotions. they fail to see what lay ahead and they fail to think and realize the after effects. after cutting the vein, there would be a point [i believe] where they would look back and want to live again only to realize that they cant! i just wanted to show that suicide is not easy as any one would think and its equally painful. so why not face the fate :P

Anonymous said...

hey saw ur intw on pakistani spectator...good going
f course yes. The more I write, the smoother my thoughts become. It’s not about the quality of words used or the uniqueness of the plot, its all about how better could we express our self which determines our area of improvement. We express when we write and expressions are very important in today’s life. I believe my experiences with words have definitely gifted me with more clarity in my thoughts.
:) Good to see someone putting the importance of blogging this way....
congrats.......

Anil Sawan said...

Aparna, thnx dear :)

Gauri Mathur said...

Hmmmmmmm...
Take care..
:)

Anonymous said...

cried out loud burning in my own rage
the innocence was gone from my now enigmatic face
scared and cold I look back my way
only to find my body being burned away.

Thought provoking lines Anil but actually I disagree with what you said in the end. Nothing happens at our will-it is always God's will, destiny has already been written...
Many times, we don't get what we actually covet.For me, this has been the case most of the times.BUt you are right, suicide is no solution

Anil Sawan said...

Gauri, thnx. I would :)

Anil Sawan said...

Mithe, your words lead us to the subject most debated in our history! I believe destiny is one word coined by people who never had the guts to face the reality. When ever we are sad, we try to convince ourself that its not our mistake and its all destiny. You, who think a lot, shouldn't have said this. God is a belief which gives many comfort. I agree this very belief have gifted peace in many parts of the world. But, tell me, do you believe in religion? I dont. Cos if there is God in reality, I am sure He wouldnt want people to be divided in His name. So what is religion? It is a sub system, where in the ideology of God is re written touching sentiments of the people who wants to believe in it. Again, it is some thing which we the people built for our comfort. If you could put such an extreme amount of faith in so abstract an idea called God, why cant you try and put half the faith in the real physical idea of your Self and your Deeds? I still believe that what ever happens, happens on our will and circumstances would put shades on it. It doesnt mean that I could control my life and I dont believe that some supreme power is controlling mine and I am just a zombie. Yes, our thoughts are controlled by us and our deeds by our will. The result may or maynot depend on what we do, but think about it, it surely depends on what a set of people do, this set could include any one who lives on this world.