If you could save a relationship by knowing each other better, accepting the differences, giving it some more time, then do it. This post share some ideas about the thought processe of men and women, which I agree upon. I might write more about relationships in future depending upon the response to this post. Most of the relationships break when the partners are under stress. Have you ever wondered how differently men and women approach stress?
Under stress, to maintain his control, a man needs to analyze objectively how his actions are responsible for what happened and realize what he can do to change things. To understand how he is responsible, he first needs to review the situation.He becomes very alert and attendive on what happened around him and thus he would determine what he did that led to the problem.His objectivity can then be put to determining what he can do to solve the problem. In this way he can begin to understand and accept responsibility for his part in creating what happened.
Unlike a man, a woman under stress needs to center herself through exploring her feelings. She can then figure out what happened, why it happened and what should be done about it. If a woman feels and understand her emotions, then her thinking would be open, flexible and clear.
Men face stress objectively, Women faces it subjectively. When a man reacts to stress from his feminine emotional side, he tends to loose his positive attitudes. His negative emotions may make him destructive, moody and self-centered. Negative emotions are not bad. They are part of healing or de-stressing. But when a man experiences his negative emotions and has lost his objectivity, his emotions become mean, threatening and unloving. This is his dark side.This is not to say that men should not be emotional. It is saying that when a man under stress gets into his feelings before he has established an objective perspective, then his emotions will tend to be unloving or destructive. He looses control because by indulging in his emotions he has disconnected himself from his primary source of power - his ability to be objective.
A woman, on the other hand, doesnt necessarily loose her positive feelings when she becomes angry. She can be angry and still have the ability to hear and understand another person's point of view. Being more subjective, women frist need to react emotionally and then they are able to view a situation more objectively. If she becomes too analytical or objective without considering her subjective feelings, she may become opinionated, confused, demanding, negative and frustrated. This is the dark side of a woman.
When a woman is emotionally upset but denies or suppresses her feelings in an attempt to be logical or rational, she is bound to experience many arguments with men. At such times, her statements will be rigid and opinionated. This is not only offensive to men, but also threatening. It tells him there is no room for his ideas to be true and that his differing point of view is not being appreciated. While she thinks she is making sense to him, he becomes angry and "dumps out" his negative emotions.
Because men derive their power from their objective analysis of a situation, they are naturally unaware of how delicate and vulnerable a woman's feelings are. It is equally true that women can hurt men with their rigid opinions. The big diference between men being hurt and women being hurt is that men are much less aware that they are being hurt.
Changing one's behaviour is the masculine way to reduce stress, ie, improving the situation by doing something differently. Feminine side reduces stress by changing attitudes - to improve the situation through forgiveness, love, gratitude and tolerence.What typically happens in a relationship is that a woman will tend to repeatedly compromise and adjust herself to preserve harmony and avoid confrontation. On a conscious level, she will try to change herself. After she has sacrificed or surrendered her position repeatedly, she will begin to feel resentful that he is not doing the same. Now, on a less conscious level, she will begin to try to change her partner. All communication at this point becomes somewhat manipulative and very distasteful to him. He will inevitably reject her or rebel.
Love is NOT the only ingredient for a healthy relationship. Know each other better. Avoid a break-up.Once broken, it would always reflect the scar.
Ideas shared here reflects the thoughts given by Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series.
